Minty Breathe, Thus Said the Lord (Funny Blog from Comedy Central's Dwayne Perkins)

About 3 years ago, my mom gave me some mints for Christmas. Now before you go thinking my mother had a roll of Certs wrapped under the tree with my name on it, I should mention that it wasn’t the only thing she gave me and these were not regular mints. No Blog Nation, they were Test-A-Mints. I’m not sure what the Lord’s take on holy puns is but I love them.

Yet I kept the pious breath aids for 3 years without opening up the package. I guess I didn’t have a Mint situation divine enough to break out the Test-A-Mints. And surely you can’t use the Lord’s mints to help you trek down the road of fornication. That’s more of a job for Mentos.

QSN: If Test-A-Mints are the Mint from the man upstairs then could Mentos be the Mint of the man downstairs? After all, Mentos tells you to do whatever you please and just pop one afterward to be absolved; while the Test-A-Mints encourage you to be good from the outset. Just a really really silly and useless thought.

So I packed, moved, and unpacked and I thought it was time to dig into the heavenly hard candy. I just decided to open them. I wasn’t crying on the bathroom floor, looked up and saw the Test-A-Mints with a beam of light shooting out of them. Although that would have been cool. Turns out each mint has a small scripture on it. I didn’t know I was getting fresh breath and inspiration. You pay for the mint…the guilt is free. I’m kidding! The Mints are really good and come in 3 Godly flavors: wintergreen, peppermint and spearmint. No one can say the lord doesn’t believe in taste diversity.

I was waiting for a special moment to use the mints when I should have used them in my day to day life. Now, I’m testament happy but I still won’t use them for hookups…that is, if I ever have any hookups.