Thursday, October 30, 2008

Dress for Success

Dress for Success

So there's a comic I know who wears a kilt on stage. I'm not sure if I could pull it off but I was instantly envious of his setup. Los Angeles is hot. The valley is even hotter.* How sweet would it be for me to let my boys breathe a bit? I definitely appreciate it when women wear skirts and dresses. And don't even get me started on sundresses. So I definitely want women to keep this practice up.

But when you think from a function point of view, it's us men who need the freedom a dress or skirt offer more than women do. Other cultures have realized this and made provisions for men, and more importantly for their "boys" to be free of pantalones. The Scotts came up with the whole kilt thing. Middle eastern men wear long thobes**. But the whole point is to free yourself of restriction. But here in the good ole US of A only eccentric millionaires get to enjoy the comfort of unrestricted "boys." A mechanic can't show up to work with a skirt on but a multi-platinum selling artist can walk into a four star restaurant wearing a muumuu*** and get seated instantly. Meanwhile our aforementioned mechanic can no longer get auto parts delivered because the whole car community has blackballed him. Meanwhile the rocker is sending back his lobster because it's not from right part of Maine. Meanwhile... you get my point.

So that leaves me with 3 options. Move to a place wear men can wear "boys" friendly clothes, become a millionaire or, what I will most likely do, keep living under this oppressive "boys" unfriendly regime and keep wearing pants and sometimes shorts.

Shout out to Steve Kimbro****, A black man by the way, for being a trail blazer and wearing skirts in a time when it wasn't ok. Thanks brah! I respect you and we owe you but for the time're on your own!

*San Fernando Valley, widely reffered to as "The Valley" is the northern part of LA county just on the other side of the Hollywood Hills. It's typically 10 degrees hotter than the rest of L.A. on any given day. So take what Al Roker says for L.A. and add ten baby.

** Thobes Long loose traditional dresses sometime worn by Saudi men

***muumuu - a loose often long dress having bright colors and patterns and adapted from the dresses originally distributed by missionaries to the native women of Hawaii

**** Steve Kimbro. A brother fighting the good fight's%20Comedy%20Bio.html

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Hard Come, Easy Go

So my new radio that I recently blogged about is history. It was stolen from my car right in my parking lot. And I don’t even live in a bad neighborhood. At least I thought I didn’t. I think it just reminds us that there are no victimless crimes. Only victims you don’t meet. But if a guy screams “who the @#^$ stole my radio!” in the woods does anyone hear him? I’m not sure but I know he doesn’t hear his radio. The effed up part is that the face plate of the radio was removable but I thought it was cool in my somewhat busy gated parking structure. I’ve taken the face plate off in many situations but like with regular accidents, it’s close to home that you have to worry about.

I spent 5 years rockin’ with my stock radio with no CD, tape or MP3 player and my 6 presets. I finally upgrade a hair just so I can listen to Estelle with no fuzziness and not a month later I get jacked. Maybe the secret to safety is not having anything but I hardly think driving a Saturn Ion, with automatic nothing is flossing. People always rob other people on their level. How many times do you think a Kennedy’s radio got jacked in the last 10 years? If you’re ‘bout it, why not go after some real cake? Robin Hood was a dying breed. And worst of all they took my mp3 player with Lily Allen on it and over a hundred of my comedy shows. So if you hear a car jacker doing my routine, call the cops pronto.

I had a 2GB flash drive in my car that they didn’t notice so a big middle finger and a hardy “nah nah nah nah nah” to the thieves on that one. Here’s the kicker, my original Saturn radio was in the trunk and they didn’t take it (what a slap in the face). So I have the option of plugging that baby back in. Like my new radio was a $200 audio vacation and now I’m back home to the static I’m used to. I guess my new radio was a nice place to visit but apparently I can't live there.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Since when is Gum Illegal?

I recently purchased some delectable Starbucks mint gum. And by delectable I mean overpriced. Saying delectable makes me feel a tad bit better about paying the same for Starbucks gum that I pay for a sandwich at 7-11. Actually neither one is a very good idea…

MY WALLET: You're really buying gourmet gum?! I guess you want me to be empty.
MY STOMACH: A sandwich from 7-11?! I can handle it but I shouldn't have to! I'd rather be empty.

The latest Starbucks gum container looks like a slim cell phone. Which got me to thinking...What if I drove around holding the Starbucks gum case to my ear here in; they just implemented a hands free driving policy, California. And when the cop pulls me over I can show him it was gum all along and say…

DWAYNE: Is there a problem officer? Since when is chewing gum illegal?

Would I still get the ticket? Would the laugh be worth the beating?
If anyone wants to give this a try and report back to me, that would be awesome.

QSN: Why has gum packaging become so fancy? On the plus side it kind of makes me feel like James Bond but it's only so long you can pretend your gum package is a GPS/stun-gun combo. At the end of the day it's just gum. What's next, Lipstick on a pig?