Thursday, September 29, 2005

Boys in the Hood

I was recently doing an IBM photo shoot. Not Bragging that’s just my life. We had a break and I walk out in my IBM business casual attire and see the rapper The Game hanging out right outside of the studio. I gave The Game a slight nod. I didn’t want to come off as a groupie. Sure, he sold 4 million copies of his Album but... I’m doing an IBM photo shoot. My face may be noticeable in next week’s Business Week. Clearly we are peers in this showbiz game.

I call my girlfriend to tell her and just then Tyrese, the singer/actor, pulls up. Some kind of baller convention and I wasn’t invited? Must be an over sight right? But anyway I’m here now where I should be. Platinum recording artists/ Big time movie actors and me Mr. Featured Background player in a photo shoot. My girl says Tyrese is sexy. Didn’t need to hear that. Then she asks what kind of car he’s driving. In my mind I said “Your man drives a Saturn. That’s all you need to worry about!!” but what I actually said was “I think a Bentley” I’m sure driving a hundred thousand dollar car made him a lot less “sexy” in her eyes.

After a few minutes the actor Lorenze Tate pulls up. I’m fighting the good fight trying to not look phased by all the Big Willie-ism surrounding me or by Tyrese wearing on his neck what I made all of last year.

At this point the food lady comes out and offers me a lemon Icee. I accepted without even thinking about it. I mean Luigi Icees are delicious. So the picture is The Game, Tyrese and Lorenze Tate with their respective factions (factions: nice word for posse). Several posse members are passing around a joint. They’re tatted up and have bandanas, wife beaters and Jerzees on. I’m standing not 10 feet away in my IBM business casual uniform eating an Icee. And it was only at that moment that I realized how tubular and phallic the Icee was. I have never felt less cool or less masculine. Good thing the Icee wasn’t rainbow flavored. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)