Monday, June 07, 2010

My World Cup Take on NBC Nightly News

Hey Guys,

Just wanted to share with you a piece that ran on the NBC nightly news featuring me in South Africa speaking on The World Cup.


Ask Stephen Hawking (Funny blog from Comedy Central’s and NBC’s Dwayne Perkins)

QSN: I wanted to add a quick side note here. If you do nothing else make sure you read the link below about Stephen Hawking and health care. Cheers.

I’m not at all familiar with the work of Stephen Hawking. I know his work relates to space and time, I think. I’m told even attempting to understand Hawkings can send an average man running for a bottle of aspirin and a hug from his mom. I stay away from intellectual pursuits that I’m unsure of. Not very brave I know but at least I can say that I might understand Mr. Hawkings’ theories if I ever have the chance to look through them. (replace time with courage.) This is the same reason I won’t take the test for Mensa. I don’t want to labeled a genius anyway. Well, not officially at least.

I am struck with a question though that is so simple it borders on genius: Why don’t we have Stephen Hawking explain the financial situation once and for all and make some solid recommendations. We have the world’s preeminent brain breaking down blackholes. How about some help with Detroit? I say we tell Steve, we’ll listen to your spiel about aliens to your hearts desire but 1st what say you on outsourcing?

I wouldn’t be surprised if he has already chimed in with something people didn’t want to hear or let be heard.

Einstein had some choice words about over consumption.

I didn’t find anything on Hawking and the economy but he did sort of chime in on health care

Friday, June 04, 2010

I’m Packing (Funny blog from Comedy Central’s and NBC’s Dwayne Perkins)

I don’t want this blog to sound too much like the faux motivational speech George Clooney gives in the Movie “Up In the Air.” However I recently went through a massive lifeboat exercise of sorts. I packed for a 7 week trip and only brought a carry on suitcase and a book bag stuffed to the rim. Also in the suitcase, taking up precious clothes space, were 40 copies of my comedy CD “Dwayne Perkins To The Rescue.”

How many people reading this blog can boast such an achievement? Packing is basically creating an all-star team of your clothes.

ME: Black Sambas, you get to represent Me on my great Europe-Africa tour, congratulations. And to all you other sneakers, thanks so much for trying out. You should be proud.

Sometimes choice breeds confusion and inefficiency. I’ve been a well oiled machine on this tour. Picking an all star clothes team isn’t only about having the best pieces. It’s picking the pieces that best fit together. The shirt that can be worn in casual and dressy situations. The blazer that you can wear to a business meeting or the dance club, without looking like you came from a business meeting.

For my two month trip I chose some select items to carry me through. It reads like a complete wardrobe because of the combinations. What if we had to do this with friends, or jobs or entertainment? Dwindle it down to what or who you would engage if all of a sudden a cap was put on said thing. I’m not suggesting you ditch friends or throw out your Dukes of Hazzard season 3 DVD but do you know what you would part with if you had to?

Thursday, June 03, 2010

Brooklyn, We Go Too Hard (Funny blog from Comedy Central’s and NBC’s Dwayne Perkins)

So my South African shows have been a hoot. I’ve kicked it in Soweto, The Brooklyn of Jo-burg. I’ve partied. I’ve grocery shopped. I’ve caught a bit of World Cup Fever…Achoo.

I’m not looking at this city through rosy glasses but the danger wrap that Johannesburg gets is over stated. All the dwellings have electric fences around them but don’t many of ours have fences around them too? Every place I’ve lived in LA has had a fence around it and not the white picketed variety.

In a moment of endearment for the city, and science, I decided to prove my point on stage at my show. I told them that I live in an “Adjacent” neighborhood. So all my comings and goings really take place in the neighborhood next to my hood. My hood is quiet but there is a shall we say “element.”

To drive my point home harder than an Alex Rodriguez line drive, I asked the crowd if any of them knew more than 5 people who have been shot. In the crowd of ~50 no one knew over 5 gun shot victims. I proceeded to tell them as I’m telling you that I know well over 20, maybe over 30. I’m not vying for street cred here but I personally know or knew through school, family, my neighborhood over 20 people who have had lead fillings sans anesthesia. Which place is more dangerous again?

I’m not unique in this fact. Everyone in my hood would boast the same stats. So would anyone from The South side of Chicago, Philly, Los Angeles (south of the 10 freeway), Detroit…
So, which place is more dangerous again? I don’t think about it that often when I’m eating scones in my local coffee shop in Eagle Rock, CA playing Spider Solitaire but I shouldn’t know that many victims. And none of the shootings happened during military action. Just around the way gorilla warfare a. Ride around your city for a while. You might discover you’re more 3rd World adjacent than you thought.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Color Me Human (Funny blog from Comedy Central’s and NBC’s Dwayne Perkins)

So one hold over of South Africa’s apartheid is an oddly specific classification of people based on color. There are many people who in the US would be called black but in South Africa are called “colored.” So basically colored people are mixed, Think Collin Powell. But it’s not simply based on skin tone. Sometimes a colored person can be shades darker than a black person. Those people are considered Dark Coloreds. Huh? It comes down to language and even you’re pitch black but you speak only Afrikans (the language of the Settlers based on Dutch) then you are colored. Meaning somewhere along the way you’re pure African lineage must have been broken. Coloreds also lived separately from blacks and thus didn’t retain or learn any of the tribal languages.

The US had the field slave versus the house slave. That was often based on skin color but I can’t help but marvel at South Africa’s formalized system. I can’t figure out if it’s more racist or less racist because the settlers were at least acknowledging their own blood on some level. Were the US oppressors more racists, less racists or simply lazy when they just decided anyone with an ounce of black in them would be considered black.

The whole thing is silly. Perhaps the black population in South Africa dictated a stronger “divide and conquer” approach.

I had a colored guy after a show spend 10 minutes trying to convince me that I was colored. See, most of my SA crew is black and they assure me I am black. I think it’s because they like me. They waiver on Beyonce and are torn on Chris Brown’s black status. I’ve spent a considerable amount of time running names by them to see where they would fit. It’s a lot of fun.

The colored guy actually looked a lot like my cousin Haywood and to be honest the characteristics of colored people in SA is similar to those of blacks in the US. We both seem to suffer from identity crisis. Them because they never really fit in anywhere and us because we were striped of our culture and basically had to create a new culture which is still a work in progress.

In case you’re wondering I consider myself black, even here in SA. I feel a kinship toward the black people here. My advice would be for the coloreds in SA is to reassimilate into the black community. I of course am woefully unqualified to say this and it probably opens a can of worms over a century old. Or we can have the coloreds move to the US where they be black to there hearts desire. Either way they can’t be white. That’s what started this whole mess to begin with.

For American blacks we need to keep our black title. It anchors us and every body needs an anchor. Not sure who celebrated harder, the blacks or the coloreds, when Barack won.

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

I Have A Dream…I Still Have A Dream (Funny blog from Comedy Central’s and NBC’s Dwayne Perkins)

So lately I have been having dreams within my dreams. So basically I’m having a dream, wake-up and then I’m still in a dream, and then I wake up from that dream and I’m actually awake. Is this common?

It’s like, I’ve emerged from my 2nd level dream, stretched and commented on what a crazy dream that was, made some tea (loose leaf) and then turned to the talking chair and discussed sports before waking out of that dream only to do it all over again. Minus the talking chair.

So I did what any red blooded American would do. I googled “dream within a dream.” I came across a website that explains dreams called I’m Not sure if they are the preeminent expert dream people but they did go through the trouble of buying a dreamy domain name so they probably know more than me. Apparently, your subconscious does this to protect the dreamer from waking up and the inner dream is usually about a crucial hidden issue that needs to be dealt with...Now if I could only remember what happened in my dream’s dream. I got nothing.

My concern is how many levels deep can this thing go. How can I ever really know if I’m awake? Maybe I’m asleep right n