Tuesday, May 27, 2008

What I Really Want to Know Is…

So there’s this guy on the Today show last week with an incredible memory.* He remembers everything in his life from age 11 on, and he’s probably in his late forties. He remembers the time, date and day of every event in his life. He also can tell you things like what day of the week it will be when he turns seventy-five. He knows all the upcoming leap years and lunar eclipses. All this without any thought.

A guy with this kind of mind must work for NASA or teach at MIT right? But when Matt Lauder asks memory Man what he does for a living, he says he’s between jobs. I know slackers with negative motivation who don’t go a week without landing a gig. Why didn’t memory man lie? Say you’re a consultant. Say you’re working on a project. Say you’re a freelancer. Heck, Say you’re an actor or a comedian. But please don’t be on national TV touting your mental prowess and follow it up by saying you’re unemployed.

He should just rent himself out for Trivial Pursuit or those trivia games in the bars. I would pay him to feed me answers into an earpiece.

MY FRIEND1: Why is Dwayne betting on Trivial Pursuit?
MYFRIEND2: So unlike Dwayne but I’m gonna take his money because how much could he possibly know about Australian Aborigine culture?
DWAYNE: I believe the answer is Corroboree. Pay up!!... What?...Nothing’s in my ear. Ok…game over…time for you guys to leave.

I just hope this guy’s connection with his past hasn’t robbed him of his future…or present for that matter.

*Memory Man Rick Baron

Friday, May 16, 2008

Oh My Stars

I am writing this blog from my hotel room in Dubai. You know what it is. Anyway, it's a beautiful place and my hotel room over looks the beach and another hotel called the Burj Al Arab. It's supposedly the world's only 7 star hotel. Mind you, I think five stars is the highest they go. I'm not sure what they did/do to skip 6 and go straight to 7 stars. I mean my hotel is probably 4 or 5 stars and I can barely do anything myself. They're accomodating to the point of annoyance.

Ultimately, there's got to be diminishing returns on these stars. One, I can only imagine how much a 7 star hotel costs. (i'm not paying for my room btw. You know what it is:-) Two, the more stars you have the closer you get to not being alive or maybe being an infant. At 10 stars someone baths you and puts a diaper on you. At 11, they chew your food for you then transfer it to your mouth. 14 stars you get pushed around on a gurney all day. I mean there's luxury and then there's high cost butt kissing.

I never even understood turn down service. They come in your room, leave a chocolate and crease the corner of your bed spread. Ohhh, that's how you get inside the sheets. All this time at home I've been sleeping on top of the comforter with a jacket on. Turn down service is like having a person just dedicated to keeping your bookmark. Ahh, I'm done with my reading tonight. Belvedere, you mind making a crease on page 216?

Turn down service is just an excuse for them to come check your mini bar. How about they make the mini bar reasonable and they won't have to pay someone to spy on you every night. The money they lose on the 600% mark-ups they would make back on not paying the nightly chocolate spy.Maybe I would be singing a different tune if I was sitting on a heated toilet seat or had a bed that smells of Apple Blossoms and makes you have happy dreams. Maybe.

QSN:Shout out to all the great people in Dubai and all their help and kindess. Especially my driver who helped get find a power plug for my laptop.

QSN:The picture was taken from my room's balcony. Don't be hatin'.

QSN -Quick Side Note