Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Plum Terrific

I had a plum from the ninety nine cents store that I think came from the Island of Dr. Moreau. Either, this plum was doing an uncanny impression of an apple or some mad scientist is somewhere rubbing his hands together saying…”I’ll make millions!” It had a stem. It was red, with a little brown. It had an apple shape. I was thoroughly impressed. For a second before I ate it I thought about putting my plum on America’s Got Talent……Nah! (Crunch!) Plum out of luck.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Cups…Not Just For Drinking Anymore

I just watched the World Stacking Championship on ESPN. I had never heard of this “sport.” The child competitors literally stacked cups. They did a human interest piece on one of the stackers. He said he’s been stacking for years. He also said he came from a rough place and no one was around to really guide him. I guess he turned to stacking. Clearly no one was around to tell him to stop with all the cup stacking. These kids are going fast as hell. But who decided we needed to compete in cup stacking? Why not see who can unzip their pants first or who can put DVDs in their cases the quickest. I guess it develops eye hand coordination but it also seems to develop OCD. I just saw a 7 year old say he practices cup stacking 4 hours a day. I’m getting nervous just watching it.

7 YEAR OLD ALL GROWN UP : Gotta stack…yeah…Gotta stack.

One girl stacks with her tongue out and she said “it worked for Michael Jordan.”

Once upon a time, i think there was this guy who was not good at any sport. His friends teased him and he finally got fed up and said…

GUY NOT GOOD AT SPORTS: Oh Yeah?! I bet I can stack cups better than you!!...

And a “sport” was born.

Did I mention that it was an international event? It came down to Germany vs USA. The crowd chanted USA..USA.. as a lone German flag waved. I won’t give away the ending.

Don’t believe me

Make sure you watch and read the comments! Hilarious!
You Tube Stacking Clip

Thursday, August 16, 2007

A Minor

I went to a Brooklyn Cyclones Baseball game. The Cyclones are the Mets Minor A-league team. Every seat is a good one. The tickets are cheap and best of all the Keyspan Park they play in is in my hometown, Coney Island.

What struck me is that everything about the place is minor league. Obviously the players are. But the players are not as minor as everything else. Every facet of the place reveals a person or entity vying to get to the next level. The whole thing is a big elaborate audition. The umpires want to be in the big time. The say “Striiike!”, a little louder than they need to. The Mascots are a little off. That guy in the hot dog suit would love to be Mr. Met one day. He turns down no pictures…ever. The announcer is more amped than the situation calls for. He’s wants his voice blaring from Yankee Stadium one day. The -sound guy is too active. The “din ni ni ni ni ni…Charge” comes in on non-charging situations. He hopes to be behind the sound board at Dodger stadium. The sponsors are minor league. The banners in the outfield are of companies not big enough to advertise on prime time: Sal’s Transmissions, Bridge Pharmacy…

This desire to be more makes for a great time. They give away more prizes. The mascots come into the stands during the game. You get the feeling that you could just walk out into the field if you want. They have something to prove and try their darnest to prove it to the small audience in attendance. They try harder. It’s like the baseball equivalent to dating a big girl. Sorry big girls. You know I love you. You don’t have to go the extra mile for me…not that you could…I kid, I kid. *

I recommend going to a Minor League game for Major League fun.

Shout out to the Minor League folks with a major league complex. And the winner was me.

*Some of my best friends are big. :-)

Friday, August 03, 2007

Put me in Coach, I’m Ready to Play

Your boy is well traveled but I don’t necessarily travel well. Meaning, I spend most of my flight time in coach. Crying babies, loud Snorers, seat belt extensions…you get the picture. At least it’s not a bus and at least I’m taking 5 hours to go a distance that 150 years ago took 3 months.

My last flight was particular dodgy. I was assigned the dreaded middle seat.

QSN: I once had a middle seat on a flight to Germany. I was stuck between an ex-linebacker and a woman with an over active bladder. Of course Ms Pee-A-Lot sat by the window.

I took the walk of pain to my seat only to realize I was in the last row. Yippie, Two whole inches to recline, now that’s vertical comfort folks?! But as luck would have it, Henry Rollins of the Henry Rollins Band* fame was sitting in the aisle seat next to me. I introduced myself and it was off to the races.

We talked about everything under the sun and the only thing that could have made it more enjoyable would have been the hot towels from first class…ok maybe one of those brownies too. We had first class banter in the last row of coach. Henry hipped me to all types of life game and industry game. I told him how to tell when a melon is at its ripest. (we contribute what we can) Henry has a great career. Hit records, USO Tours, best selling author, a show on the IFC. Henry is so cool that he let his manager sit in First Class. So don’t go thinking Henry is going through a rough patch. He’s just a real dude and not a delicate spoiled rose pedal.

The whole thing kind of validates me driving a stick shift Saturn with manual windows. Henry drives a Subaru by the way... I got money in the bank ‘cause I don’t buy girls drinks….

Shout out to the brother sitting by the window. I hope our talking didn’t stop you from getting your sleep on and please forgive me for breaking the brother “code” by talking to Henry first. I would appreciate it if you didn’t report me.

* Henry Rollins had a huge hit record in the Nineties called “I’m a Liar” it dominated the MTV airwaves for months. But check out all his accomplishments for yourself at http://21361.com/
QSN: Quick Side Note