Thursday, September 27, 2007

Who You Gonna Call?

I recently had a very small role in an independent pilot. The goal with these things is to shoot your own pilot and try to get a network to buy it after the fact. You wouldn't believe the caliber of talent you can sometimes get to do these things. It would be like going to a pick up basketball game and seeing Michael Jordan there. Jordan loves playing b-ball so it makes sense he would jump in on a street game from time to time.

On this production, they were able to get Ray Parker Junior to co-star. Ray Parker Junior wrote and sang the Ghostbusters Movie theme song. He was uber cool. And best of all he still loves the Ghostbusters song. You can say "Who you gonna call?!" and he will say "Ghostbusters!" That's cool. It's probably incredibly old for him but he won't deny you your fun…A true gentleman. Jimmy Walker won't say DYN-O-MITE! Henry Winkler would rather not say Ehhhhhh! Now all I need to hear is that Shucky Ducky won't say Quack Quack.

These catch phrases mean so much more to us. They conjure up memories of times long gone. We can never go back to grade school but we can say "What you talkin' about Willis?!" Where were you when you first heard "I'm Rick James Bitch!"?

Why the Peanut costumes? Long Story. Let's hope the pilot gets picked up so you can see why.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Toe Sucking

Today I saw a baby, maybe 2 years old, sitting in a stroller sucking her own foot. Ah, youth and flexibility. What most of us wouldn’t give to be able to suck our own toes again. Not that we would. Have you seen your feet lately? (skip the mani and get a double pedi :-) ) But to be able to nosh on your toes would be neat, even if your toes aren’t. The last time I remember being able to partake of my own toes was in high school. Even then I was putting my spinal cord in double jeopardy (I’ll take stupid things High School boys do for 800, Alex). And no one wants to be the person who died trying to suck their own feet. For me though, it would be a cool way to ensure that even my funeral is funny.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Permission to Shoot

The proliferation of home movies on sites like Youtube and Myspace has brought us to one irrefutable conclusion: People should be required to get a permit before they buy a video camera. You need one to shoot bullets you should also need one to avoid shooting crappy shorts. What makes a person think the rest of the world really wants to see them in their living room doing the Chicken Noodle Soup Dance completely wrong. (Not that a perfect rendition of the CNS is something the world needs to see either.) Ok … fine you got me… it’s actually hours of enjoyment. But you’re never getting that time back.

Flip Side:
At least people are trying to put out original, albeit God awful, content. I’ll take the CNS Dance over someone getting hit in the groin, or a cat dressed in a sweater on America’s “Funniest” Home Videos any day. Maybe people sent in the CNS dance, or the nineties equivalent, to AFHV but they screened out everything but good ole “funny” groin mutilation.

Maybe all these Chicken Noodle Soup dancers should get hit in the groin at the end of their clips. Comedy Gold!

I can’t wait until some wife files for divorce citing Youtube or myspace as the reason why.

WIFE: You don’t need to network! You got me right here! Why don’t you have someone
from your top 8 make you dinner?!

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Red Carpet

I recently boarded a United Airlines plane in New York. I heard the lady at the gate announce that First and Business Class could board first via the red carpet on the left. Did I hear her right? I went in for a closer look and sure enough there was little red carpet laid down. It was basically like a red throw rug. (a 2ft by 3ft red carpet)

What has the world come to? Do the people in first class really need their ego stroked even as they board ahead of everyone else? I know they pay a lot more and for that they get to sit and gloat with a beverage in hand as the plebs struggle down the aisle only to get crammed in like veal. If someone from coach walks over the red carpet when they board will they get in trouble? What if there’s a gate with no red carpet? Does the flight have to be delayed until United can find a red carpet for the First class folks to walk over Can red rose petals be used as a substitute?; Or maybe the blood from someone sitting in Coach?

GATE LADY: First Class can now board over Phil from Coach’s bloody body. Stay down Phil!

I’m sure most people, including those in First Class, didn’t notice the silly lengths that United went to to make First Class feel…first and Coach feel…last.

Funny thing though. We all landed in Los Angeles just the same. Sure I had a cramp in my neck but I can go get 400 mall massages with the money I saved not flying in first. Maybe that’s the next step…. making people in coach get off the plane a few miles from the airport and walk the tarmac. No carpet of course.