Ginger Fail (Funny Blog from Comedy Central's Dwayne Perkins)

I always try to give props to my current city, The City of Angels. And I’ll always give props to my hometown…(sound the trumpets)…Brooklyn, NY. Not sure if you know this but we go hard.

Anyhoo, my current city has a gaping flaw that somehow is allowed to exist. Hopefully this blog will be the beginning of the patching up process. My complaint is not about flaky people or smog or traffic, although the traffic is soul sucking.

QSN: Being in LA traffic is like being attacked by Dementors. If you’re not careful, you’ll lose the will to live. You have to pop some chocolate and think happy thoughts. And in my case, curse yourself for driving a stick shift.

3rd paragraph and my complaint is still in the bag. Okay fine, I’ll go in. Many bars in this God forsaken city don’t have Ginger Ale on tap. Strike one for not carrying my favorite effervescent drink; strike two and three for mixing Coke and Sprite and calling it Ginger Ale. Let me give my New York readers a few seconds to catch their breath. Yes, you heard me correctly (that’s if you’re hearing my voice while you read. Otherwise you read correctly :-)

The fakakta bars in Los Angeles mix Coke and Sprite and call it Ginger Ale. It’s called “Ginger Ale” not “Ginger Colored Ale.” People order Ginger ale for its taste and medicinal qualities. These qualities are derived directly from the GINGER. If it was just a color issue you could just drop a few drops of food coloring into club soda. “This Ginger Ale sure is bland. But clearly it’s Ginger Ale because it’s an Amber color…” I don't drink so if I'm in a bar the only thing I have to look forward to is the game Funky Monkey and a refreshing glass of Ginger Ale.

It’s also hard to find Ginger Ale in convenience stores in Los Angeles. And don’t even get me started on how hard it is to get duck sauce at a Chinese restaurant in Los Angeles. And please, to my Asian readers, don’t tell me duck sauce doesn’t exist and is just a concoction made for the American palette….So? They placate us with it in New York and all along the eastern seaboard. Why not hook a brother up here in Los Angeles?

LA, we can do better.

*Fakakta - Yiddish term meaning lousy

Wiki Ginger Ale